The Future of Feminine Hygiene Is Here

Dr. Daniel Dopps, a chiropractor from Wichita, Kansas has unveiled his latest invention, which was designed with women in mind. The revolutionary and safe solution for women who want more control over their monthly menstrual cycle is called Mensez,  a proprietary combination of amino acids and natural oils that comes in a lipstick applicator.

Mensez Feminine Lip-Stick is adhesive for your labia that keeps blood inside, where it should be.
Mensez Feminine Lip-Stick is adhesive for your labia that keeps blood inside, where it should be.

With a keen understanding of human anatomy and how women are designed, Dr. Dopps carefully observed women who were embarrassed and ashamed by their periods. Dr. Dopps began doing research into menstruation and how women have historically handled their periods. He was surprised to discover that tampons, pads and other methods of controlling menstrual flow have only been around for about 200 years, and that prior to that, women had self-sealing vaginas that kept blood inside, where it should be. It’s only within the last 200 years as the hygiene habits of women have changed that this natural seal has broken down and doesn’t function anymore.

“I’m a doctor and I understand human anatomy,” Dr. Dopps said, reiterating what everyone already knows about him. “I see how women are designed. I really believe women’s bodies were functioning this way in years past. The vagina is like a self-cleaning shower drain.”

It's just like John Mayer said in his Grammy-award winning hit song.
It’s just like John Mayer said in his Grammy-award winning hit song.

There is plenty of evidence to suggest that ancient women had a much better method for controlling menstrual flow, mostly involving sphincterally contracting and expanding the labia minora, which according to ancient medical books, would stimulate secretion of a hydrophobic and bio-compatible adhesive from the labia minora that would secure the labia minora in a closed position.

“The female vagina no longer has the ability to resist and permit menstrual flow at will,” Barry Rhodes, Director and Head Curator of Vaginal Science said. “The resistance that used to occur on sphincteral contraction and the permission that used to occur upon sphincteral expansion is no longer happening. Women are no longer secreting a hydrophobic and bio-compatible adhesive from the labia minora area.”

It’s recommended that you urinate at least every three hours when using Mensez, especially during your heavy flow days, to avoid any accidents.

Researchers are have been scratching their heads trying to answer this question: Is evolution at work before our eyes, or have women somehow affected this rapid biological change in their own bodies? We think the loss of the ability to secret adhesive from the vagina is due to excessive use of soap, douches, and special vaginal cleansers,” Rhodes said.

The product has been met with skepticism by many journalists and the mainstream media, but the women who have tried Mensez have nothing but praise for it. It’s being rated very highly by women who are looking to control their period in a less risky way. “The only downside for me is that it looks so similar to my lipstick,” one Mensez product tester told us anonymously. “I got confused when I was at the club and grabbed the Mensez instead of my lipstick and I glued my lips together. And you need urine the break the seal. But it was still fun.”

The majority of the product testers so far agree, giving the product positive reviews even after getting their facial lips stuck together. It’s just like Dr. Dopps said: “Have you ever woke up with your lips stuck together? It didn’t hurt and it was kind of fun.

Urine is the only substance that will break the seal, so be very careful and don’t apply Mensez anywhere where urine can’t go!

Mensez is currently in the testing stages, and should be available for purchase later this year.

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