South Carolina Town Now A “Juggalo-Free Zone”

Columbia, South Carolina town councilor Todd Kincannon, aka The Honey Badger of American Politics, recently presented an ordinance to the city council that was overwhelmingly approved. The new law, which went into effect January 10, declares the city of Columbia is now a Juggalo-Free Zone.

Kincannon says he discovered the need to make Columbia a Juggalo-Free Zone back in 2013. Vicious criminal street gangs known as “juggalo gangs” had begun to take over the main streets of this quaint town, giving it a bad name.  The juggalo gangs were threatening to commit crimes and destroy property and even said they may injure someone, though there is no evidence of any juggalo ever causing physical harm to anyone. A lot of people found themselves asking: What is a juggalo?

Juggalos

Two members of a juggalo gang are pictured here in what is known as a juggalo fight stance.  

A juggalo (also known as juggalette or juggala) is loosely defined as a product of the breakdown of the white middle/lower class family structure, but has also been described as an indolent, witless, overly self-glorifying “real bunch of fags” who are a scourge on humanity. Individuals who describe themselves as juggalos often claim to be misunderstood by society, and like to talk about stabbing, beating and killing people while dressed as clowns who drink a lot of pop.

“I politely asked a juggalo to lower the volume of their music on the bus, and instead of being kind and considerate of the other passengers on the ride, the juggalo began swearing up and down,” I was told by someone who encountered a juggalo on a local bus. “He stated that I was hatin’ on ICP, and that I was a fuckin’ whore who needed to keep her goddamn mouth shut. That was the first day I punched another person.” The juggalo did not fight back.

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The juggalo did not fight back, despite attempting to appear threatening and large.

You are most likely to encounter a juggalo in a mobile home park, but recently many of them have either somehow acquired transportation or begged for enough money to ride the bus into town, which created quite a problem for residents of Columbia. These complete and total failures at life would spend their days wandering around town in packs in a state of social confusion, often scaring and threatening the law-abiding citizens who live and work here.

“Juggalos in general don’t seem to have the reasoning skills needed to comprehend the fact that when they dress up like clowns and threaten to chop everyone up with a meat cleaver it makes them look utterly ridiculous in the face of those members of society that process rational thought,” one Columbia resident told me. “These people live in a gray area between homeless cult member and mentally deficient juvenile delinquent.”

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This juggalo has reached the age of maturity, allegedly.

Todd Kincannon began writing the life-changing ordinance after an encounter with a juggalo on the street who cat-called his wife. “You can’t just do that,” Kincannon shouted during the interview, his face turning red, pounding his fists into the table. “You can’t mess with other people’s property like that!”

It took a couple of years for Kincannon to finish writing the ordinance, and even longer to generate support for his idea. “A lot of people around here don’t really understand the threat we face by allowing Juggalo gangs to have free reign here, they think it’s just a joke or a nuisance they just have to deal with,” Kincannon told me when questioned about why it took him so long to get the ordinance passed. “Plus, I’ve been kind of busy with other stuff.”

Wendy Davis Tweet

Our First Honey Badger of American Politics keeps himself busy by tweeting, spending time with his wife, and cleaning his guns.

The residents of Columbia seem excited to see the new ordinance implemented. “I personally have been threatened with murder and rape by juggalos before, all because I wandered into the wrong park to be with my girl,” someone on the internet said. “I laughed at them because they were like 12 and maybe a quarter of my size, but still. That ain’t right.” Since the signs went up a few hours ago, Columbia has already seen a significant decrease in criminal activity threats by juggalos.

“I love what Todd Kincannon has done for the city of Columbia, and I hope we can get someone cool like that here in Augusta,” someone who sounded kind of like Todd but claimed not to be Todd but wanted to remain anonymous told me over the phone. “The protocol for juggalos should be immediate humane extinction and sanitization of the whole area,” the caller said.

 

269 thoughts on “South Carolina Town Now A “Juggalo-Free Zone”

  1. This article is written by what sounds like someone with a mental handicap. Juggalos are not a gang they are people who like insane clown posse. I dont get why wrestling fans arent considered a gang. They wear clothes featuring their favorite person and get rowdy at events. Who know who is a gang tho, the police

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  2. As a juggalo I found this article hilariously entertaining. The way you describe juggalos from the eyes of most people who have no idea that it’s pretty much the same as a dead head or punk rocker or really any group of people like that. The ignorance most people spew about them. And then flip the script and do it the same way to those same people. Hahahaha. Good job.

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  3. Are y’all even allowed to talk about people like this because juggalos is like a culture and the shit they saying is fucking bulling and fucking racists then he called us all faggots discrimination much fucking prick assholes like this is why people get shot or hurt because they run there mouths about some culture that they don’t fit into or aggree with at all is fucked up stop being like hittler mf.

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  4. You are joking right, we are not a gang, we are a family, a following and if this continues I’m going to go to the government that allowed an infringement on my American right to live free. Please rethink this stupidity. Whoop whoop mmfwcl!

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  5. It’s stupid my,kid is,one and her man,they anit never done any thing like that its just they go to concerns and have a good time ppl get over it

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  6. This is the problem with the internet any no talent writer can put what ever slanderous material they want with no true facts I have never had any issues with any juggalos they have all ways been good people but I’m sure there a extremist just like any group, I was a juggalo because I found the music entertaining it was so ridiculous and anyone who took it other then a joke really is dumb

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  7. And here lies the affirmed threatening juggalos in their natural habitat. Threatening an online post on a non official news thread. Congrats. You played yourselves

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  8. If this is real, then I’d go to Columbia, South Carolina and blare ICP all day long.

    Been a Juggalo since I was 4 years old and I am not a criminal, gang member, live in a trailer park, a low life or unemployed. I have an associate’s degree in museum studies. I work 25-48 hours a week at 6 days a week. To call all Juggalos what you referred to them as list above is discrimination and should be sued.

    Plus, you called a woman a man’s “property”.

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  9. I find this interesting seeing an army base, Ft.Jackson is in Columbia. Believe it or not, there are alot of enlisted, highly educated, respected and much respectful “FAM” out there in the military. There is a big difference between a gang (who right out calls themselves gangs) and Lo’s and Lettes! Family, even in the dictionary, describes what these people are and always will have with each other. They do not go around hating anyone, do not hurt others, hell infact “We do not care about your sex preference, skin color, nationality, education level, how much money you make a pay check, have health insurance, have a car, a nice home, bank account balance, nor do we judge anyone for being exactly who they are… But you know what Mr city councilman? For someone to claim themselves as educated, and elected official who has the job that in your oath you swore to uphold, not to discriminate, but to protect, try and help your city and community. We have the freedom to be who we are and same freedom of speech, religion, and that same right as yourself right to be innocent until proven guilty. So sorry if when I say, eat a dick…suck on a fatty (taken anyway you want!), and you can shove all this bullshit discrimination up your ass! We are one big happy family who helps and supports one another. We joke, pick around, have reunions that we like to call gatherings, and actually have sense of humors as you should try one out sometime! Funny 10 years ago noone had an issue with us! I’m an old school since 1995 Lette, 46 years old, hatchetman and girl tats, ex USArmy, mother of 2 grandma of 1, never arrested, speeding tickets, and drug free! So now I cannot go see my nephew graduate from basic, and if passes Augusta, nor AIT graduation. All over being harassed by a punk claiming to be one, well that was a wannabe punk! We don’t carry guns, infact we say hatchets held high..have any fam actually carried a hatchet 24-7 besides a charm on a necklace chain? So focus on the real issues at hand, real gang violence, the bullying in schools and what ever else is seriously bothering you! So Whoop Whoop! MMFCL sent out to my fam! And if it’s a crime to be different, enjoy cutting up and having some fun in life trying to mind our own I’m guilty 💯! I can say I’m sorry your offended by our love, and commitment to being different and living life to it’s fullest, maybe that’s something you should work on yourself. This goes for everyone who hates on anyone who’s different!

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  10. I’m sure the animals in the city of Columbia can breathe a sigh of relief knowing that they’re finally safe from being raped by Juggalos. The good thing is, with all the inbreeding that happens with juggalos, it won’t be long and they’ll breed themselves into oblivion. Each litter is worse than the last.

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