South Carolina Town Now A “Juggalo-Free Zone”

Columbia, South Carolina town councilor Todd Kincannon, aka The Honey Badger of American Politics, recently presented an ordinance to the city council that was overwhelmingly approved. The new law, which went into effect January 10, declares the city of Columbia is now a Juggalo-Free Zone.

Kincannon says he discovered the need to make Columbia a Juggalo-Free Zone back in 2013. Vicious criminal street gangs known as “juggalo gangs” had begun to take over the main streets of this quaint town, giving it a bad name.  The juggalo gangs were threatening to commit crimes and destroy property and even said they may injure someone, though there is no evidence of any juggalo ever causing physical harm to anyone. A lot of people found themselves asking: What is a juggalo?

Juggalos

Two members of a juggalo gang are pictured here in what is known as a juggalo fight stance.  

A juggalo (also known as juggalette or juggala) is loosely defined as a product of the breakdown of the white middle/lower class family structure, but has also been described as an indolent, witless, overly self-glorifying “real bunch of fags” who are a scourge on humanity. Individuals who describe themselves as juggalos often claim to be misunderstood by society, and like to talk about stabbing, beating and killing people while dressed as clowns who drink a lot of pop.

“I politely asked a juggalo to lower the volume of their music on the bus, and instead of being kind and considerate of the other passengers on the ride, the juggalo began swearing up and down,” I was told by someone who encountered a juggalo on a local bus. “He stated that I was hatin’ on ICP, and that I was a fuckin’ whore who needed to keep her goddamn mouth shut. That was the first day I punched another person.” The juggalo did not fight back.

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The juggalo did not fight back, despite attempting to appear threatening and large.

You are most likely to encounter a juggalo in a mobile home park, but recently many of them have either somehow acquired transportation or begged for enough money to ride the bus into town, which created quite a problem for residents of Columbia. These complete and total failures at life would spend their days wandering around town in packs in a state of social confusion, often scaring and threatening the law-abiding citizens who live and work here.

“Juggalos in general don’t seem to have the reasoning skills needed to comprehend the fact that when they dress up like clowns and threaten to chop everyone up with a meat cleaver it makes them look utterly ridiculous in the face of those members of society that process rational thought,” one Columbia resident told me. “These people live in a gray area between homeless cult member and mentally deficient juvenile delinquent.”

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This juggalo has reached the age of maturity, allegedly.

Todd Kincannon began writing the life-changing ordinance after an encounter with a juggalo on the street who cat-called his wife. “You can’t just do that,” Kincannon shouted during the interview, his face turning red, pounding his fists into the table. “You can’t mess with other people’s property like that!”

It took a couple of years for Kincannon to finish writing the ordinance, and even longer to generate support for his idea. “A lot of people around here don’t really understand the threat we face by allowing Juggalo gangs to have free reign here, they think it’s just a joke or a nuisance they just have to deal with,” Kincannon told me when questioned about why it took him so long to get the ordinance passed. “Plus, I’ve been kind of busy with other stuff.”

Wendy Davis Tweet

Our First Honey Badger of American Politics keeps himself busy by tweeting, spending time with his wife, and cleaning his guns.

The residents of Columbia seem excited to see the new ordinance implemented. “I personally have been threatened with murder and rape by juggalos before, all because I wandered into the wrong park to be with my girl,” someone on the internet said. “I laughed at them because they were like 12 and maybe a quarter of my size, but still. That ain’t right.” Since the signs went up a few hours ago, Columbia has already seen a significant decrease in criminal activity threats by juggalos.

“I love what Todd Kincannon has done for the city of Columbia, and I hope we can get someone cool like that here in Augusta,” someone who sounded kind of like Todd but claimed not to be Todd but wanted to remain anonymous told me over the phone. “The protocol for juggalos should be immediate humane extinction and sanitization of the whole area,” the caller said.

 

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94 thoughts on “South Carolina Town Now A “Juggalo-Free Zone”

  1. This is bullshit! I’ve been a “juggalo” now for over 20 years. I had a job at 16 yes and damn near full-time and have a job ever since. I have never been in trouble with the law NOT even a parking ticket. Being a juggalo is no different than being a deadhead or in the kiss army. It’s not the music it’s the person themselves. I was taught respect and morals just because I like a certain band doesn’t make me a bad person I’m probably the nicest person you’d ever meet. There are bad seeds everywhere and not everyone of us are bad.

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  2. This article is a joke! Whoever wrote it does not spell or use works correctly. Just another idiot trying to be smart. Idiots, my 8 year old writes and spells better than this.

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  3. Your ridiculous. I am personally the farthest thing from what you speak of. But you’re going to take advice from somebody who calls his wife his property? You must have a really low self-esteem… A little bit of self-love you get is probably coming from the guy who calls you pretty that sticks his weiner in you every night and calls you his property give me a break you’re a joke

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  4. You people are fucking stupid, you should learn about juggalos before just jumping to conclusions.. juggalos are not a gang, we are a family, and while you might be able to do this In one town you can’t do it to the whole world!! MMFWCL

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  5. So a bigot says a couple bad apples ruin the bunch and everyone is okay with that but once you say it about anything else “normal” people idolize they are up in arms. Sounds like a bunch of toddlers there. Way to represent the “land of the free”. Keep it up.

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  6. So um, what church lady wrote this story? Don’t you see anything wrong with it? Let’s just play a little game. Let’s say that the entire situation is the same, except instead of juggalos, pictures of white people, and references to how must people like this live in trailer parks. We will now use rap music, pictures of black people, and references to the ghetto. Oh did that hit a nerve? Let’s try it this way. We will say Christians, use pictures of snake handlers, and references to child molestation. That one hit a nerve? If not, let me know I can give you a few more examples of why the person who wrote this story is a flaming piece of shit!

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  7. That was one hell of an opinionated report and a very hateful perspective that in some parts made some very ridiculous statements that do make you pause and go “huh” then you quickly move on. It’s based in what, the actions of few of the MANY that claim to be part of the family. Haters promoting haters is what I saw

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  8. This likely is false, and also, if it wasn’t it’s absolutely criminal! for one, I, myself am a Juggalo, I went to college, I constantly IN MY OWN FREE TIME Study Multiple forms of Science, including, but not limited to, physics, biology, astronomy, and meteorology, so your take on Juggalos not having the capacity for reasoning is absolutely false and utterly unfounded. Also, there are Juggalos and Juggalettes who are Lawyers, Engineers, doctors, Professors, Police Officers and of course, Musicians (That one is the majority, to be sure) but to say we’re all a bunch of Broken Family related White Middle/Lower Class kids who are worthless and ignorant is just you proving you’re WORSE than the group you’re currently disparaging, so how about you stop the “Drumhead” bullshit, or is that way too over your head, PHD Person?

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  9. I see it like this u can do it for a little small nonviolent trash talking gang and i say nonviolent cuz noone has proof that they actual go through with what they say but yall worry bout this stuff yet u got bloods and crips shooting each other in the streets and “g”s running around causong problems but u single out one little gang juggalos may have like 200 members or so just a figure theres probably more but the bloods, crips amd gs have thousands all over sc and i dont see anything where were trying to ban them from our cities i agree gangs make society worse but y single out one especially one thats small threat and shit and not ban the bigger ones like all these bloods crips and gs i just got out of tci in clarendon county amd i know i only ran into 4 juggalos vs hundreds of bloods crips and gs so there is just an example whose the real threat to society just my opinion i think all gang activity should be banned not just one

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  10. There are actually people on my Facebook feed posting this like it’s news, and it’s like I’m watching Trump get elected all over again.

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  11. When you right an article it is important to have integrity. This article does not reflect any factual evidence and is just blatant discrimination. You should be ashamed of writing such garbage. PhD in what slander? As a fellow extremely educated individual I am shocked at how unprofessional this article is, grow up do your research because you look like an idiot!

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  12. Please tell me that this is fake. This is exact same shit Trump want to do with Muslims and you all want cry about that. Grow up. You’re scared of black clothes and mean lyrics but not public beheadings, bombings, child/newborn murder, gays thrown from rooftops, stoning, rape and just all around true evil.

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  13. It’s this a joke? I know younger juggalo’s are shit but you can’t say all juggalo”s are shit. I personally am a juggalo I’m 37 work 6 days a week my wife and I just had our second child we live in a house. I don’t wander the streets threatening people nor dose any juggalo I know. Like I said most the young kids with shitty parents are the issue. Not all juggalo’s are bad people just like not all cops are not drunken wife beater’s.

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  14. This is bogus! Who ever these people are have a bad influence and that is not what a juggalo or juggalette is!! We love and do discriminate and do not harm others for no reason.we only retalliate if someone hurts one of our family members for no reason! And if you wanna know what a juggalo is go on Google and look up the cop gathering of 2013! This is ridiculous and I would go there if I could and raise hell and steal that sign off every post possible!! This should be against the law to have this passed!

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  15. This is bogus! Who ever these people are have a bad influence and that is not what a juggalo or juggalette is!! We love and do not discriminate and do not harm others for no reason.we only retalliate if someone hurts one of our family members for no reason! And if you wanna know what a juggalo is go on Google and look up the cop gathering of 2013! This is ridiculous and I would go there if I could and raise hell and steal that sign off every post possible!! This should be against the law to have this passed!

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  16. This whole article is prejudice. I bet the person who wrote this hates all black people based on what the black Panthers party did too. I understand the people interviewed and quoted didnt have any positive feelings toward us, but an article reporting an event shouldnt be written by someone with bias. Im a trained therapist, have my own place, and car, and am considered to be one of the most kind hearted, empathetic and attentive people my friends know. On top of all of this i am a face painting, faygo drinking, juggalo. I never need to talk about wanting to stab or kill anyone (who didnt deserve it), had to fight without defending myself, and my family has never been worried about what or who i associated with because in the end i maintained being a good person. End of the day a juggalo is just a person with a set of beliefs. So you can ban us, but you cant remove who people are, just what they show you first

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  17. Young Americans would stand a better chance at not falling into those categories if they had access to a type of education that would give them trade skills. They tend to fall in to groups to protect and watch after each other. Not all people like that are bad they just are misguided and never had a decentry role model to teach them any better. You think by running them out of town you fixed anything nope. They still will be somewhere in need of guidance. Rejecting them just makes them even angrier towards society.

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  18. What kind of foolish bull shit is this post even about juggalos are family not gangs or gang members some place inside the tiny brain you have has crossed

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  19. Is this article satire? Because it’s way off base and ignorant.
    I personally am offended by you calling your wife “property.”. I don’t suppose you consider your way of thinking or living correct. I find it deplorable. Perhaps I can spin things so YOU look like the asshole (shouldn’t be too hard) and have the city council make it an “asshole-free zone.” Then you wouldn’t be bothered, and no one would be bothered by you. 🙂 WIN WIN.
    As of right now, your stupid is showing.

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  20. Juggalos arent a violent gang they are fans of I.C.P and the mayor made up all them lies and regular people are just scared of juggalos because they think we are weird and a low class of society and they think we are all criminals when alot of us have friends, families, jobs, and college degrees but yall just want us out of your town because yall think we are criminals and weirdos. So thats all I have to say about the non-juggalos and juggalettes out there in south Carolina.

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  21. That’s a load of crap. I’m a juggalo and not all of us are likes that. That’s like saying all politicians are lying theirs that use and lie to everyone. So maybe we should ban them from society…people need to seriously grow up and stop being so judgemental BC of a few people. Didn’t realize that we lived in a Hitler society…

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  22. I’m sorry, but it’s not true what jugglos are in these statements. Only teens act that way. I’m a juggalette a female version, have been since 96, and highly educated. I even work in a hotel. I got my ged because high school actually bored me when I went to Downers Grove North in Downers Grove IL in DuPage County. I’m 27 years old now and live in another town that’s quiet and have new friends, still have many old ones but they grew out of their crazy stage too and got married and had kids and grew up also. I waited and never had kids out of wedlock and stayed on birth control because that was my mother’s wishes. I drink soda, but not Faygo which is many of the choices by juggalos, but wasn’t one of mine, I stick to Pepsi and sprite like many do. But I exercise and think of my health due to I have an auto immune difficiency and I have cysts inside of my left ovary that need a second surgery and I have endometriosis that grows into tumors. So if you guys want to stereotype, go ahead, but many, very many of us do grow up and have normal adult lives and just listen to the music and remember what our life used to be like as a teen, yeah we may still have get togethers with some of the old friends but we don’t go crazy or paint our faces anymore, maybe for Halloween some do, but that is SO rare I don’t see it anymore. But we are good people, all you have to look out for is the teens that take it way overboard and doing hardcore drugs and drinking as teenagers cause they think it’s cool. The Marijuana never did harm, it only makes then tired, plus remember, when you were teens many of you tried pot too, so don’t bash them if they try it or you are just hating on yourselves too. Don’t tell them they are bad for trying pot, because that makes you the bad person, they will decide for themselves if pot is bad or not in their own time.

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  23. Were as a juggalo plays ignorance in satire the towns people statements and the undertone of this article is truely ignorant both grammatical and idealistically. Juggalos express verbally and react artistically ; a very healthy way to deal with oppressive people suvh as this. The real danger is the mob mind set of this town. Written by a Phd holder? Really? What a Phd in mass conformity of fearful ignorance. ‘Halls of Illusion’ Tilta Whirl’ means the darkness of all monsters will face their personal justice. ‘Homies’ means we won’t fear those imps because we stand united. But I don’t no why I am even bothering explaining it to you ignorant fúcs, we might as well show you. Oh, we already tried that….

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  24. You type of people are childish and need to not me judgemental and discrimination us from other people
    My is Austin Candiano I lived in Indiana and prood to be a Juggalo whoop whoop

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  26. Sounds like bigoted people who don’t know what a real Juggalo is,when you target a group of people and say thing like extermination to them is/should be a remedy for them, THATS WHAT HITLER SAID ABOUT THE JEWISH PEOPLE!!!!!!!! I think that people should reap what they say and how they treat people. If someone breaks the law then let police handle it properly, and not some backwoods bigoted dumd ass!If a few children can’t be disciplined by parents or police that says a lot about the community there!! My realtives (jewish) were killed by christians as were a geat many others in the name of racial and relgious purity. So should Christians be treated the same way? After all Judaism and muslims were around first. If this thought bothers you then watch what you say and how you treat them!! Remember the golden rule???? Please no hating it only breeds more hate!!

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