South Carolina Town Now A “Juggalo-Free Zone”

Columbia, South Carolina town councilor Todd Kincannon, aka The Honey Badger of American Politics, recently presented an ordinance to the city council that was overwhelmingly approved. The new law, which went into effect January 10, declares the city of Columbia is now a Juggalo-Free Zone.

Kincannon says he discovered the need to make Columbia a Juggalo-Free Zone back in 2013. Vicious criminal street gangs known as “juggalo gangs” had begun to take over the main streets of this quaint town, giving it a bad name.  The juggalo gangs were threatening to commit crimes and destroy property and even said they may injure someone, though there is no evidence of any juggalo ever causing physical harm to anyone. A lot of people found themselves asking: What is a juggalo?

Juggalos
Two members of a juggalo gang are pictured here in what is known as a juggalo fight stance.  
A juggalo (also known as juggalette or juggala) is loosely defined as a product of the breakdown of the white middle/lower class family structure, but has also been described as an indolent, witless, overly self-glorifying “real bunch of fags” who are a scourge on humanity. Individuals who describe themselves as juggalos often claim to be misunderstood by society, and like to talk about stabbing, beating and killing people while dressed as clowns who drink a lot of pop.

“I politely asked a juggalo to lower the volume of their music on the bus, and instead of being kind and considerate of the other passengers on the ride, the juggalo began swearing up and down,” I was told by someone who encountered a juggalo on a local bus. “He stated that I was hatin’ on ICP, and that I was a fuckin’ whore who needed to keep her goddamn mouth shut. That was the first day I punched another person.” The juggalo did not fight back.

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The juggalo did not fight back, despite attempting to appear threatening and large.
You are most likely to encounter a juggalo in a mobile home park, but recently many of them have either somehow acquired transportation or begged for enough money to ride the bus into town, which created quite a problem for residents of Columbia. These complete and total failures at life would spend their days wandering around town in packs in a state of social confusion, often scaring and threatening the law-abiding citizens who live and work here.

“Juggalos in general don’t seem to have the reasoning skills needed to comprehend the fact that when they dress up like clowns and threaten to chop everyone up with a meat cleaver it makes them look utterly ridiculous in the face of those members of society that process rational thought,” one Columbia resident told me. “These people live in a gray area between homeless cult member and mentally deficient juvenile delinquent.”

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This juggalo has reached the age of maturity, allegedly.
Todd Kincannon began writing the life-changing ordinance after an encounter with a juggalo on the street who cat-called his wife. “You can’t just do that,” Kincannon shouted during the interview, his face turning red, pounding his fists into the table. “You can’t mess with other people’s property like that!”

It took a couple of years for Kincannon to finish writing the ordinance, and even longer to generate support for his idea. “A lot of people around here don’t really understand the threat we face by allowing Juggalo gangs to have free reign here, they think it’s just a joke or a nuisance they just have to deal with,” Kincannon told me when questioned about why it took him so long to get the ordinance passed. “Plus, I’ve been kind of busy with other stuff.”

Wendy Davis Tweet
Our First Honey Badger of American Politics keeps himself busy by tweeting, spending time with his wife, and cleaning his guns.
The residents of Columbia seem excited to see the new ordinance implemented. “I personally have been threatened with murder and rape by juggalos before, all because I wandered into the wrong park to be with my girl,” someone on the internet said. “I laughed at them because they were like 12 and maybe a quarter of my size, but still. That ain’t right.” Since the signs went up a few hours ago, Columbia has already seen a significant decrease in criminal activity threats by juggalos.

“I love what Todd Kincannon has done for the city of Columbia, and I hope we can get someone cool like that here in Augusta,” someone who sounded kind of like Todd but claimed not to be Todd but wanted to remain anonymous told me over the phone. “The protocol for juggalos should be immediate humane extinction and sanitization of the whole area,” the caller said.

 

270 comments

  1. Look just cause a few so called juggalos wanna cause trouble doesnt mean that we r all bad most if us have real jobs even in government positions like law enforcement and probation officers and politicians so u gonna keep them out too fuck that im a juggalo and proud of it ive even served my country like a few other soldiers i knw that r juggalos ir juggalettes but they still fam.

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  2. lol, I love how you guys are acting like “Juggalo” is a race or some shit. You have any idea how idiotic you sound comparing yourselves to jews or African americans?? lol, you are a bunch of losers that wear fucking face paint and follow arguably the WORST hip hop group in history. You drink cheap soda and id bet 99% of you still live with your parents. If you are over 16 years old and still paint your face and listen to that garbage music you should just end it lol.

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  3. A juggalo (also known as juggalette or juggala) is loosely defined as a product of the breakdown of the white middle/lower class family structure, but has also been described as an indolent, witless, overly self-glorifying “real bunch of fags” who are a scourge on humanity.

    Really? Your nothing but a piece of shit journalist. And not a good one. The amount of grammatical errors is ridiculous. Your nothing but a poser and a loser. Guessing someone you liked wanted nothing to do with you and went with a Juggalo instead. Could explain why your so butthurt and racist. Take your bullshit article and go get fucked.

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  4. It’s pretty obvious this article is obviously satire, and everyone taking it seriously needs to chill out. Aside from the subtle hints throughout, and the VERY obvious last paragraph showing it’s satire, a quick Google search will show you this isn’t actually news. Jesus. Use your critical thinking skills.

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  5. As a Juggalo, an adult, I can tell you that these so called Juggalos are NOT the normal. We are not about all that non sense. We promote family and love towards anyone. These are punks looking for attention and drawing it to someone else! In this case negatively towards a band! We are not a gang, those who say they are in a “Juggalo Gang” are not real Juggalos. We are a family so we live as one. Ask any real Juggalo or Juggalette, they’ll tell you the same. WHOOP WHOOP FAM!!!!

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    1. Fuck you juggalo free town as a Juggalo i say we march up in dat bitch and dip out nuts all up in every mother fuckers soup up in that town WHOOP WHOOP MMFWCL TILL IM BURIED IN THE GROUND you cant get rid of us we multiply bitches

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  6. I’m just seeing if this comment posts, because there is no way all these people are real commenting about being butthurt over an obvious satire article, I don’t know if I really want to see this post or not because if it does, we as a society are in a lot of trouble.

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  7. Thank you! These scourges on society need to be extinct! Its about time, they are all over oir little town with baggy pants, smelling like death, yelling WHOOP WHOOP, and threatening everyone. I think they killed our cats too, but I can’t prove it. I know for a fact that they all do marijuanas, I know what it smells like, I hit a pot once in high school. The smell these gang members emit is unholy. Please bring this ban to our town!

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  8. Wow ….really the desciption of a juggalo..u are very off know the meanining before blastering the family…..they are not gang members its a bunch of diff. People coming together as family…the true meaning so before you plater of what u have no idea what u talking about

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  9. I think you missed the satire. “Other people’s property”…. OPP. Are you down with it?

    😂🤣😂🤣😄😅😃😂🤣

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  10. Fuck this guy and Fuck ANY so called juggalo who claims to be in a gang. Real juggalos don’t condone violence in any way. Unless it’s in defense of someone who needs protection.

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  11. This article has had me laughing for 30 minutes already. Probably going to extend to a full 45 once I can fully get my head around how many people missed the Captain Obvious satirical nature of it. The dude being so busy with that tweet to Wendy Davis alone should have made this clear! Brilliant!

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  12. I ain’t gonna go to that town ever. I rep hatchet for life , so much I even got a hatchet girl tattoo✌also this article sounds nothing like me. I have home with 3 beds and 2 baths in a nice area. I dont do gang shit. I stay outta trouble with the law, I’ve never been thrown in jail, I dont beg on the streets for money, I’m not a bum, I dont threaten people for not liking my music.. ect.. I’m a hard working step mama who loves her hatchet repping family this article is complete bullshit and needs to be taken down.

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  13. Kincannon is a pig! Please refer to tweets of his! Juggalo gangs, how ridiculous! I , and I’m 58, have known plenty of ICP fans, never have I been disrespected! This is a joke!

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  14. thats fucked up, because juggalos are the only gang? Why the fuck isnt there a ban on bloods and crips or the cartel. They let a few angry people determine what all juggalos are thats fucking ridiculous. How do they even decide what a juggalo is. Juggalo music is so awful, its literally not just about killong. if people actually lisyened to all of their music. “Simple and blunt” by violent J explains it perfectly. What about all these rappers who talk about nothing other then doing drugs, drugging women and killing people. WHAT THE HELL MAKES THEM DIFFERENT. Theres no ban on these alcoholic rappers, when some of them even have committed crimes far worse then any charges ICP has committed

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  15. The only thing funnier than this article is you f***ing dip shit Juggalos thinking it’s real. Jesus Christ no wonder you f***ing morons listen to that musical abortion and dress up like retatds. Must be the Faygo or getting beaten mentally retarded growing up that explains how simple you pussys are. You all must be a family because youre just a bunch of pasty inbreed looking mutants. You guys should all hop in your short window licking yellow school buses and have another pointless non-intimidating march with your embarrassing midnight Wal-Mart shopping crew and show them you mean buisiness. Jesus forget the serial killer or meat cleaver blah blah blah and just all get together and drink the god damn juice already or practice running in to knives. I’m sure taxes would take a dive with all the government funding no longer being paid towards you worthless f***s. Rest In Piss you make up wearing pussies I would jump a curb to hit one of you fa**ots

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  16. Ooo God lol!!! People actually took this “article” seriously? Pretty sure she wrote this to audition for The Onion 😆😆

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  17. Obviously if crime rate is significantly lower because of signage they were not that big of a threat in the first place. Go hang a no Crips/Bloods/Latin Kings sign in Compton and see what transpires…you people are sooooo ignorant if you believe this story. I want to marry Amber she has a PhD in goofy stories!

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  18. These comments show just how ignorant and unintelligent Juggalos are that they believed this was a real story. Wow, you proud upstanding facepainting clown jizz garglers need to stop lying to yourselves, grow up and act like adults and be real productive members of society. That doesn’t mean just working your 15 hours a week at McDonald’s

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  19. This entire article is FAKE! Read it y’all understand that NO newspaper or self-respecting media would post this. First of all “after a juggalo cat called his wife.” The political hound said “You can’t do that, you can’t mess with other people’s property.” Your wife is NOT your property asshole! Even us Juggalos know that’s fucked up degrigating and disrespectful to her. Lest the fact that he aimed a kneepad comment at a woman as representation of “paying” her way through Harvard. What’s up dude is your brain pan to small for a good school. Whoever wrote this article is a straight scumbag and has no concept of what a true juggalo really is!!

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  20. This politician is exactly what’s wrong with this country. Your WIFE is not your PROPERTY!! I’ve been a juggalo for almost 15 years now, and you wouldnt be able to tell just by looking at me. I’ve been a mechanic for the last 5-7 years and have held a job and paid my own bills for longer than that!!! I cant wait to see the settlement from the law suit Columbus is about to get slapped with. Just like when the FBI claimed we were ALL gang members and terrorists. Todd Kincannon is is about to see a world he never wanted to be a part of and all because hes trying to keep legal us citizens out of “HIS” city. It was determined by the supreme court that we are not and never were a gang or terrorist organization. You have no right to keep me out of Columbus just because I’m a juggalo. I’m more of an upstanding citizen than any politician ever will be. STOP THE TYRANNY!!! OVER THROW THE CORRUPT GOVERNMENT AND TAKE BACK YOUR RIGHTS AS AN AMERICAN CITIZEN!!!!!

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  21. Wow … I can’t believe what I’m reading… my mind is totally blown… how can you pass judgment on and entire group of people, who despite what it’s being made to sound like in this article, no less human that who ever wrote this it’s hateful and intolerant would you say any of this after having a less than favorable encounter with a person of different race or religion???? Just because you had a bad run in with one or even a few of these morons doesn’t mean that every one of them are that way or that the whole lot of them should be… how did you put it … I don’t know exterminate them it’s not the juggalos that are the problem it’s the hate spewing intolerance of people like you that should be forever wiped off this planet I’m plainly put, ashamed that people still act like this I really thought after all the advances in human rights and all the leaps and strides we’ve taken as a species to become more excepting and tolerant of people’s personal beliefs and first amendment rights to openly and freely express themselves in whatever way makes the individual happy, I thought people would start to mind there own … but this… this is a travesty seriously next this town will say if your Jewish or if your a Jehovah’s witness you are going to be discriminated upon because that’s exactly what this is discrimination and by all rights illegal in and of itself again you can’t slander and label and discriminate the whole based on a few! Throwing words around like faggit and whatnot so is that to say this town openly discriminates homosexuals???? I don’t claim to be smarter or better than the next person but I certainly don’t believe that just because your fucking ignorant it gives you the right to hate and discriminate this is an overwhelming example of the hate and intolerance that still exists in the world today and really it makes me sick I am covered in “juggalo” tattoos and am usually wherein at least one article of clothing representing the juggalo nation and I’m just curious if for whatever reason if have to pass through your shithole of a town and I don’t know stop briefly for gas am I gonna hafta worry about some ignorant fuck attacking me or being arrested solely based off my appearance? I have two kids and a home and a life but … wait I’m a juggalo….so um… I’m a gang member????? I feel this issue needs to be addressed at the federal or state level because this really is discrimination are you a gang member for being part of a political party??? No are the dead heads that followed the greatful dead part of a gang? No! How about the simple fact that everything about this is unconstitutional???? It doesn’t even make sense that a town could legally do this do you even understand what kind of a shit storm it would bring down upon you and yours if this had been a racial thing???? Again I feel that the type of people I’m dealing with here are the type of people that assume every black person is a blood or a crip simply because they are black I could literally go on forever about how disgusted I am and how this is the first time in my life I really wish I had some sort of political or legal nohow to really rock the boat for you people and yea I said it you people because you people are fucking sick have fun dieing cold and alone and wondering why nobody loves you because how could anyone be this ignorant? I just don’t get it sorry but not sorry try living your life with a little more love and acceptance instead of hate and discontent much love to the real mother fucked out their “chopping down” one bigot at a time whoop whoop!

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  22. I think this just goes to prove how dumb juggalos are (even you “educated” ones.) Its obviously satire, this site is just like the onion. It’s quite literally fake news.

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  23. Haha this is funny! Whoever the guy is with his nose pierced isn’t a juggalo. He don’t even know how to spell wickid right. Yes I know the correct way is wicked but us original juggalos know it’s wickid! That really bugged me lol. This article is a joke
    Mmfwcl

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  24. Your all retarded, this is a fake article. But I will agree about one thing… jugglos=white trash in face paint.

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  25. The fact he called his wife his property shows he’s no better than the juggalos. Also while your banning juggalos why don’t you just go ahead and ban every other race and type of person who listens to rap music that’s constantly advocating violence, sex, murder & drugs,. This is dumb. You aren’t fixing any problem and this is a form of discrimination.

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  26. I am personally repulsed by this article. It shows intolerance, racism and lack of trying to LOVE everyone around you despite of their life choices. I am a DISCIPLE OF JESUS. Not a Christian. The word Christian is in the Bible three times, only three. When stated it was a derogatory term. The nonchristians were calling the disciples of Christ “little Christ”. The true followers called themselves disciples. Intolerance and stereotyping people who you know nothing about is not acceptable for “Christians”.
    I lived outside of Columbia for seven years. In that time our “white” family adopted a “black” child. I was verbally and physically abused by whites who were intolerant and prejudiced against anything they didn’t understand. Prejudice comes from fear. People refuse to try to get the facts of the one who they choose to harass.
    I was called everything, but a white woman (figure of speech). It was while living in the state of S.C. that these things occurred.
    I have since moved to New England. I have seen that the further south you go, the education system is less likely to provide individuals with thoughtful insight into the world as it is and how it should be. In the churches it is preached, but not practiced.
    A human being can not be another person’s property!
    I Hope that this statement will change one person’s beliefs about judging others.

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  27. I’m a juggelet till the day I die and join my family be in the house of God. And believe me, heaven will be filled with juggalo and juggelets. They give u 99 cents,. And they keep saying the penny. So. Thank God for my juggalo family. Someone should stab the moron that wrote that ridiculous article!:. Love you my family! FTW

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  28. I think this article saysfalse things about us we are family first off not a game the stuff that you say the supposed juggalos do or have done those aren’t real juggalos real juggalo is about family and yeah we talked about murdering and s*** like that but I highly doubt that we are out of raping people don’t think so homey this article is b******* and if this starts donation why’d you will see a rain of nooses you watch a family come together an uprise like this nation is supposed to be a nation of one you sure you’re nice I will show you a nation of one we are freaking family I am a mother my husband has a job and we are a f****** juggalo family yeah we swear and maybe yeah maybe we’re not society acceptable but were acceptable in our own life and that’s what this world teaches us to be able to make sure that they don’t care. This article is b******* and I feel sorry for all the people in Columbia South Carolina who’s losing out on what true family should be. And the people showing in this article 1 the windows look like amateur juggle the other one is it a true juggalo if he’s doing that s*** on the but we do have courtesy but we don’t put up with disrespect and sorry but society acceptable people the judgmental people sorry but that’s not respect you want respect you need to deserve it it’s what I was always told growing up it’s what I know a lot of people were told growing up if you want respect you need to deserve it will society needs to start deserving our respect and stop judging our outside appearances in our lyrics we’re just trying to express ourselves and our own way the way we were also raised to do I don’t appreciate this article and I do believe that Ken Cannon or whatever his f****** mean is pretty much Columbia South Carolina the people in it need to go to a f****** psych ward just because people like us maybe mentally ill you got to think about it society made us mentally ill science made of chemically imbalanced can’t blame us for what the world created. On that note I am a 32 year-old married mother who has a husband who works we pay our bills we pay our taxes and some stamps we are fully functional but we are juggalos so what if we may not be acceptable in society’s eyes but we’re not what you think we are yeah we drink pop so yeah we smoke weed we’re just having fun we don’t care who sees sorry laughing really hard right now this article is b******* and is making us look like s*** you want to hear some f***** up s*** f*** this article but Columbia South Carolina we got the rest of world we can conquer we are a family not a gang so get it right. One last thing the new juggalos of today’s world is not what a true juggalo is meant they’re giving us bad names and bad reps all over back in the day true jugglos you knew what it was. So because of the opinion the new generation children not knowing a f****** thing and only made it what they thought it was and giving us bad reps in a bad name you got to punish the rest of us then again maybe we should punish those posers for giving us those names in the first place all I’m saying is who the f*** are you to judge anybody sure in the f*** not God he without sin shall cast the first stone

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  29. It is hard to believe some dumb ass people would act that way I am a juggalo poor most his life threatened a persons life for walking in the wrong playground ha no people who act tuff really aren’t they are people with nothing better to do or latch on to besides this music so they let it consume them id more refer to those people described as empty jugs nothing more

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  30. Wtf really …….were not a gang were family ….free speech free will …..so if we dress up who cares …our life …… Shame on you all ………….

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  31. Juggalos and Juggalettes are not limited to just the white race morons. The juggalo family runs throughout the entire world population. People need to do more research before posting things they know nothing about

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  32. i have met several juggalos and not one time have i encountered any that have been disrespectful or violent. im not saying there arent so.e bad apples out there but to say all juggalos is not right.

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  33. Haha I find this funny so many people getting mad over something so small. 🤣🤣🤣🤣 grow up stop letting the media tell you what to believe and do your own research. Sheep following the herd 🤣🤣🤣

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  34. I loved reading this to the writer bravo truly BRAVO I loved that you said when you punched him he didn’t even fight back because if someone is a real threat and tuff they don’t need no gang they can stand alone just fine so from one bad ass bitch to another rock on

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  35. You probably encountered a noob and you probably encountered a poster just saying. I’m almost 32 years old we are definitely not a gang regardless what u think some people into icp are gang related though but that has nothing to do with juggalo or female juggalos I’m not a lette….also I help old people animals disabled and know my morals even though I’m unstable..I do not live in a trailer park an I don’t beg for charity but even then who the fuck are u to judge

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  36. You people can’t just degrade Juggalos cause you don’t like them. The article said itself the Juggalo didnt fight back so he was hit and didn’t initiate retaliation. Profiling should be illegal everywhere.

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  37. Not all juggalos and juggalettes are like that there are a few that just like the music and don’t wear the make-up only the symbol or merchandise like me I’ve never listen to music to loud it’s only for me to hear ik everybody has their different taste in music and clothes but a true juggalo and juggalette would say we’re not a gang only family no fighting or disrespect we’re all outcasts and we’ve finally found people that we truly fit in instead of being judged by society because we’re all a little different

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