Research concludes that blue cheese is better than ranch

Rejoice, blue cheese lovers! A recent study conducted by Ponce University concluded what you have known all along: blue cheese is better than ranch.

Blue cheese is a very general classification of many different types of cheeses that contain penicillium. The fungus serves a major role in the continued good health of the environment and humans, and as the study suggests, there are major health benefits to choosing blue cheese over ranch dressing. The antioxidants in blue cheese may have anti-cancer benefits, and high levels of blue cheese dressing consumption might be associated with a one third reduction in the risk of developing colon cancer and an eighty percent reduction in prostate cancer in men. The life-enhancing ingredients in blue cheese have also been credited with saving soldiers in WWII who would have otherwise died.

In stark contrast, the study found that the toxins present in man-made ranch dressing may actually be responsible for up to 4% of cancers. Several samples of ranch dressing tested positive for pesticides, which have been linked to lower IQ’s and decreased cognitive function.

Blue cheese is a bona fide brain food that has positive affect on your brain’s performance and overall cognitive ability. “Our research shows that people who choose the blue cheese over the ranch tend to have more sophisticated palates in general. People who make sophisticated food choices are also statistically sophisticated in the areas of intelligence and physical health,” researcher Chas Miller explained. “We also think there may be a correlation between the continued consumption of ranch dressing and the complete stagnation of cognitive development.”

Science has confirmed that ranch is indeed gross.