South Carolina Town Now A “Juggalo-Free Zone”

Columbia, South Carolina town councilor Todd Kincannon, aka The Honey Badger of American Politics, recently presented an ordinance to the city council that was overwhelmingly approved. The new law, which went into effect January 10, declares the city of Columbia is now a Juggalo-Free Zone.

Kincannon says he discovered the need to make Columbia a Juggalo-Free Zone back in 2013. Vicious criminal street gangs known as “juggalo gangs” had begun to take over the main streets of this quaint town, giving it a bad name.  The juggalo gangs were threatening to commit crimes and destroy property and even said they may injure someone, though there is no evidence of any juggalo ever causing physical harm to anyone. A lot of people found themselves asking: What is a juggalo?

Juggalos
Two members of a juggalo gang are pictured here in what is known as a juggalo fight stance.  
A juggalo (also known as juggalette or juggala) is loosely defined as a product of the breakdown of the white middle/lower class family structure, but has also been described as an indolent, witless, overly self-glorifying “real bunch of fags” who are a scourge on humanity. Individuals who describe themselves as juggalos often claim to be misunderstood by society, and like to talk about stabbing, beating and killing people while dressed as clowns who drink a lot of pop.

“I politely asked a juggalo to lower the volume of their music on the bus, and instead of being kind and considerate of the other passengers on the ride, the juggalo began swearing up and down,” I was told by someone who encountered a juggalo on a local bus. “He stated that I was hatin’ on ICP, and that I was a fuckin’ whore who needed to keep her goddamn mouth shut. That was the first day I punched another person.” The juggalo did not fight back.

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The juggalo did not fight back, despite attempting to appear threatening and large.
You are most likely to encounter a juggalo in a mobile home park, but recently many of them have either somehow acquired transportation or begged for enough money to ride the bus into town, which created quite a problem for residents of Columbia. These complete and total failures at life would spend their days wandering around town in packs in a state of social confusion, often scaring and threatening the law-abiding citizens who live and work here.

“Juggalos in general don’t seem to have the reasoning skills needed to comprehend the fact that when they dress up like clowns and threaten to chop everyone up with a meat cleaver it makes them look utterly ridiculous in the face of those members of society that process rational thought,” one Columbia resident told me. “These people live in a gray area between homeless cult member and mentally deficient juvenile delinquent.”

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This juggalo has reached the age of maturity, allegedly.
Todd Kincannon began writing the life-changing ordinance after an encounter with a juggalo on the street who cat-called his wife. “You can’t just do that,” Kincannon shouted during the interview, his face turning red, pounding his fists into the table. “You can’t mess with other people’s property like that!”

It took a couple of years for Kincannon to finish writing the ordinance, and even longer to generate support for his idea. “A lot of people around here don’t really understand the threat we face by allowing Juggalo gangs to have free reign here, they think it’s just a joke or a nuisance they just have to deal with,” Kincannon told me when questioned about why it took him so long to get the ordinance passed. “Plus, I’ve been kind of busy with other stuff.”

Wendy Davis Tweet
Our First Honey Badger of American Politics keeps himself busy by tweeting, spending time with his wife, and cleaning his guns.
The residents of Columbia seem excited to see the new ordinance implemented. “I personally have been threatened with murder and rape by juggalos before, all because I wandered into the wrong park to be with my girl,” someone on the internet said. “I laughed at them because they were like 12 and maybe a quarter of my size, but still. That ain’t right.” Since the signs went up a few hours ago, Columbia has already seen a significant decrease in criminal activity threats by juggalos.

“I love what Todd Kincannon has done for the city of Columbia, and I hope we can get someone cool like that here in Augusta,” someone who sounded kind of like Todd but claimed not to be Todd but wanted to remain anonymous told me over the phone. “The protocol for juggalos should be immediate humane extinction and sanitization of the whole area,” the caller said.

 

271 comments

  1. I’m a 58 year old Juggalo and a true Juggalo does not act that way. J and Shaggy would NEVER approve of any one acting that way toward another human, if you want to call any politician human, and calling themselves Juggalo’s. The irony here is that 99.9% of the politicians are worse. J and Shaggy are working very hard to get the FBI to take them off of the “gang” list as it is. I thin J and Shaggy would personally go to Columbia and kick their asses until the asshole so called “Juggalo gangs” get what being a Juggalo really stands for.

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  2. This is why people believe Juggalos are ignorant. You all realize this is a satire piece right? The inability to recognize that doesn’t help your image or your argukent.

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  3. Wow this is the stupidest shit I’ve heard crime and violence won’t ever stop ever now this dickhead can’t blame us juggalos for the fucked up shit that happens in that town im from Michigan where you can show as much clown love as you want whoop whoop fuck that guy Michigan will never be a juggalo free zone

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  4. I don’t know what’s funnier: the article itself or all the commenters who actually think this is real and are freaking out about it!

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  5. LMAO! You people are stupid. This ENTIRE website is satire. Go to their “about” section and read the disclaimer.

    Btw, who cares if youre offended?! When did America become such sissys?

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  6. The best part is how the sarcasm of this satirical article is lost on all these offended juggalos in the comments. It’s a joke. Get it? Its as if this piece was published in The Onion or any other satire news publication. The comments here are even better than this wonderfully written JOKE article. No one ever accused juggalos of being too brilliant, and this is a perfect example why.

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  7. Did anyone else notice that when he said a jug Gali was cat calling his wife , he said “you can’t mess with someone else’s property like that!” Umm excuse me! I’m not a feminist but woman are people not property!

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  8. Poorly put together article, maybe get to know the juggalos, they are some of the nicest and most down to earth people I’ve ever met.

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  9. Obviously these people have only dealt with the minority of juggalos, who may listen to the music, but aren’t true juggalos, despite what they may say. True juggalos can, and do, actually function in society with great jobs (some even being doctors and such), and have good homes, and families. Yes, there are still those who struggle, but that’s literally everyone in this society we have.

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  10. What is a Juggalo? Seems like that was the question on the Insane Clown Posse album “The Great Milenko” and nobody knows but now a Juggalo according to the FBI is “A Gang Member” I honestly blame Republicans for this way of thinking because Democrats don’t seem to care either way.

    I’m a Juggalo and honestly I don’t have a criminal record of any sort. I have never shot or stabbed anyone. For me the first run of the 6 Jokers cards will always be the real Insane Clown Posse for me. This comes across to me as the HB2 (House Bill 2) bullshit they tried to pull here in NC. I don’t live in a trailer park and I have a full-time job. Not all Juggalos are bad people at all, you just have to open your eyes and your mouth in a non-volatile manner when you address a Juggalos or Juggalette and you may actually make a new friend. Sadly though people fear what they do not understand. I am just as afraid of the trigger happy redneck with the short temper when he gets drunk who has the ability to carry a firearm on his side in public as people are of me for looking the way that I do.

    Think about that for a minute.

    HB2 was aimed at the discrimination of Homosexuals based upon the bathroom that they chose to use based on the gender they identified with and this way of thinking is far more dangerous than a community in SC banning Juggalos. HB2 also cost NC BILLIONS of dollars based on trying to create a bill based solely upon the discrimination of individuals based on their lifestyle or sexual preference as an okay thing to do and this is wrong.

    Stereotyping anyone based on what they listen to is far more f**ked up than a president throwing a temper tantrum because he cannot have funding for a wall that will just come down after he is out of office; if you need proof then look no further than the Berlin Wall.

    If I am a Juggalo because I listen to Insane Clown Posse, Twiztid, Blaze Ya Dead Homie, Myzery, Dark Lotus then so be it but don’t let the music I listen to define me as a person or associate me with the crowd of idiots who go around committing crimes and shit who call themselves “Juggalo”.

    Thank you for reading this.

    Whoop Whoop!

    MMFWCL

    P.S. If the focus is on this right now then what is really being signed or passed right now while you aren’t watching the ones with the pens who vote to pass these bullshit laws?

    Think about it. 🃏

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  11. This has got to be the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard! Juggalos are fans of ICP. Everything else is just bullshit. Vicious and violent Juggalo gangs? LMAO people so stupid and ignorant about something should not be able to make law about it! I am not white, I am not in a game, I got straight A’s in college, and even though I lost my, and even though I lost my, and even though my wife passed away in 2006, my kids are successful, and my youngest is about to graduate with all A’s and B’s, and he just got a four-year full-ride scholarship including room and board! In any large group you will find a bunch of assholes. Religious groups, people who like the same music, people of the same race, the police, or even people with the same color eyes. That doesn’t mean they are all the same. And to imply so is just beyond stupid and ignorant, especially in 2019. The people in this backwards area shitzu the fuck out of that government for violating their civil rights! And not that I would do it, But these idiots deserve to be smacked in their stupid faces! Millions of records sold, yet have there been millions of rapes and murders by Juggalos? Of course not. it is truly unbelievable help his it is truly unbelievable how stupid people are sometimes!

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    1. Sorry for the typos, but I can’t figure out how to edit my comment. I think you get the point though. Oh, and I also live in one of the best neighborhoods in Chicago, not a fucking trailer park. The Catholic church has destroyed more lives then the whole Juggalo culture in its entire existence!

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  12. Gang Juggalo my son is 6 not a gang member and he is a Juggalo. A Juggalo I’d say is a new age dead head. We are family oriented. And just because we have dumb ass people representing Juggalos. Doing stupid shit like not being considerate of people on a bus. Do not put the rest of us in that category. We have a Racist Biggot for a president. And your worried about Juggalos. Come to a gathering you will see the love

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  13. The funny thing is that this is not even a real law it would fall under the Discrimination Act order and it would not be allowed or discriminating against someone based on their preferences appearance or politics or religion there are laws in place against things like this to protect people and I’m sorry not all Juggalos are ignorant stupid people yes some are and some to give us a bad name but for the most part we are normal people

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  14. Thats fucking bull shyt. U bunch of bitches. Yo just jealous that we have a family thats always will have each others backs. We are NOT. A gang. Yah there’s few thinks they are juggalo and call them selfs a gang but that’s not what a real juggalo is .. WE ARE NOT A GANG. FINE AND READ FACTS BEFORE U JUDGE.. Didn’t yo momma or daddy ever teach u people . not to judge a book by its cover. Yo all just jealous that we are every where. It’s sad that u people rather judge and treat people like shyt cuz we are different.. At least we care for each other and yo jealous cuz we are big strong and not going to stop us from being who we are. Back off and leave us alone cuz. WE ARE NOT GOING ANYWHERE . LEARN TO DEAL WITH US. Hahaha we are every lil corner. U turn every city every town. Everywhere. ! HAHAHA MMFWCL !!!

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  15. Typical of “normal people” I’ve been down with the clown for many moons. I’m a hard working father of two boys and I’m also a husband. I love insane clown posse and they’re music. It’s helped me through some tough times. They ain’t that main stream crap that’s all over now a days. An believe me if I want to come to your town ill be the big native in the juggalo jersey. Come get to know me so I can show you how wrong you are. By jyst ring a whole group based on the actions of a few. That’s like me holding every white person accountable for the crimes against my ancestors, am I wrong?

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  16. What a crock of shit… Im not a juggalo never claimed to be one and even i know the people you are describing are delinquent low life peice of trash that knows nothing of the juggalo family nor have they probably ever experianced life outside the inbred love cuddles from pa and ma. Fuck this artical. Fuck the city of columbia. Fuck the fake bitch news.
    MCL WOOP WOOP!!!!!

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  17. So the writer is bias as all get out. Your telling me a juggalo or a juggalette are fags and middle lower class white people. Not only is that racist but not knowing what your talking about. A juggalo is a consumer of all music. We are open to everything and dont judge people. We also believe in karma and shangra la. There are many other aspects but we preach for all to be good to one another to live who they are. We are not bad those that say they are a juggalo and commit crimes are using the name as a scapegoat to put the blame on someone else other themselves. So now your telling me cause I am a juggalo I have their tattoos I’m not welcome in this area cause of the racists and bigots. That’s what we put in song for now one to be this way and to be open to all. Yet I have a family I work dont get in trouble but because people want to not take blame or others saying its cause they listen to our music they are bad. Do you realize our music has changed since 1991 to go with what the music industry does. So before you put us in a category for a few watch the whole.

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  18. This is biased as fuck. I don’t fit in with society. I’ve always been an outcast but not by choice. I love icp but I don’t act anything like what you fucks are saying. I honestly feel you guys are judging people based on music. I listen to a crap load of music and if you judge me? Okay then you don’t need to be in my life because you’re pointless drama. Music isn’t another thing we need to judge. We already judge people based on looks but now music? Really? Something as harmless as music is being trashed just because you imbeciles don’t know good music when you hear it. Sorry not everyone listens to Christian bullshit. Have you ever seen footloose? They blamed shit on music and dancing when kids were just being kids. They banned it, and it backfired. This is the exact same thing all over again. When are you guys going to learn. People do what they do, music doesn’t have shit to do with it. My friends listen to the millionaires and 3oh!3, but are they whores? Hell no. They don’t drink or do any of that, but the music is upbeat and makes them feel better. SOCIETY STOP JUDGING PEOPLE OVER STUPID SHIT. GROW UP, AND STAY IN YOUR OWN GOD DAMN LANE. IT’S NOT YOUR BUSINESS WHAT PEOPLE DO IN THEIR LIVES. a lot of people I know listen to rap but they don’t do anything that you guys say that people that’s listening to that does. IT’S STEREOTYPICAL, AND ALL OF YOU ARE HYPOCRITES IF YOU THINK THIS IS OKAY. I CAN NAME OFF ANY OF THE BANDS YOU LISTEN TO, AND SHOW YOU HOW MUCH OF A HYPOCRITE YOU BIGOTS REALLY ARE. try me.

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  19. I think whoever wrote this is a complete dumbass and had a few juggalos run a train on his girl while he cried and watched. Whoop whoop dumbass

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  20. Wow…this is down right ridiculous. I do understand why people would feel intimidated by us and our unusual taste in music, style, and life choices, but that isn’t any reason to band and outlaw them. This , in truth, isn’t any different then President Trumps travel band on immigrants. This is literally discrimination towards a community of PEOPLE! Even the way this article describes juggalos is complete and utterly prejudice, as well as ignorant. Now, I don’t live in Columbia, SC so I don’t know what the juggalos are like in that part of the country, but where I’m from, juggalos are respectable, responsible, and treat people with dignity. We aren’t perfect by any means, and we all have a little bit of dirt in our past, but that has a lot to do with the fact that we all kind of had a hard life coming up. We truly were outcasts and misunderstood. We were bullied, abused, raped, molested, and just generally treated with contempt. We all have grown up fighting our way through all that hate to become working members of society. Many of us have families of our own that we are working to take care of. I, myself, am a 28 year old, full-time college student, with straight A grades, and a 4.0 GPA, but that is only because I have worked my ass off for it. Many of fellow juggalos are in similar positions. They have worked very hard through their very tragic lives to make something of themselves. However, if prejudice towards the juggalo community continues to grow like this, eventually we will become discouraged of our efforts, and yes, you will get to see the worst sides of ourselves. Why? Because we are just as much human as the next person, and just like them, we have limits. History has shown us that when people hated, discriminated, or resented, eventually they lash out and violently. We need to be able to express ourselves when and where ever we want just like any other person. We have our rights just like anybody else, and you will be surprised how many of us are educated, hard working, and devoted to our way of life. We will never give up on who we are, and who we care about. We will stand up for what we believe in and we will defend our rights and ourselves if push comes to shove. Much clown love, everybody. Juggalo family for life and the wicked clowns will never die!!!

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  21. Do not confuse these few people claiming to be juggalos with the rest of us. Juggalos believe in family and no judgement
    These group of people clearly have never really listened to the word in the songs
    It’s is sad that a few bad eggs can spoil people’s opinion.

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  22. NOBODY GOT THE JOKE! LOLZ. It’s satire = NOT REAL DIPSHITS.

    “You can’t mess with other people’s property like that!” = Joke. Ha ha! Dumbfuck.

    “…someone who sounded kind of like Todd but claimed not to be Todd but wanted to remain anonymous told me over the phone”. ANOTHER FUNNY. HA HA. Not real. Just for shits ‘n gigs.

    “That was the first day I punched another person.” The juggalo did not fight back.” Another JOKE.

    You see Gomer T, Satire is when you act out in a way like you’re being serious but you go about it in such a ridiculous and over the top way that it’s funny. Like if a pale white person dressed up in bright white clown make-up and pretended to be black. Everyone would laugh and point at how ridiculous it would be.

    = Satire

    It’s truly sad when people are mentally handicapped and just don’t get the joke because they’re just so mentally retarded it’s not funny. It kind of only works on people with an IQ over about 70 or so. IE NOT YOU.

    Now go drink your Faygo and listen to Riddlebox one moar time before you look in the mirror to see that your hair is turning gray and you wasted your lives living in fantasy land.

    PS Shaggy & Violent J are BOTH known pedos who love little boys. That’s NOT satire. That’s FACT. Ask one of their limo drivers about it. It’s an open secret.

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  23. I’m a 21 year old juggalete and I’m very peaceful. Most people are extremely surprised I listen to the music but I love the style. So many people are so quick to judge and just automatically hate what they don’t understand

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  24. I kindly ask you to take this down, it is not okay to judge on a few instances. I happen to enjoy icp and feel tharthey dont only have violent music. And to say such rude things is not okay .

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  25. I was put here to put fear
    In faggots who spray Faygo Root Beer
    And call themselves clowns ‘cause they look queer
    Faggy 2 Dope and Silent Gay
    Claimin’ Detroit, when y’all live 20 miles away (fuckin’ punks)
    And I don’t wrestle, I’ll knock you fuckin’ faggots the fuck out
    Ask ’em about the club they was at when they snuck out
    After they ducked out the back when they saw us and bugged out
    Ducked down and got paintballs shot at they truck, blaow!
    Look at y’all runnin’ your mouth again
    When you ain’t seen a fuckin’ mile road south of 10
    And I don’t need help from D12 to beat up two females
    In make-up who may try to scratch me with Lee Nails
    Slim Anus? You damn right, slim anus
    I don’t get fucked in mine like you two little flamin’ faggots

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  26. The fact that people claiming to be a juggalo are getting upset at this just proves that they lack intelligence. People, the article is satire. It is a joke.

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  27. A juggalo is not what you described. Because many people have different opinions on the meaning of juggalo. But when you strip all the opinions and look at the facts. You will find that the definition of juggalo is simply a fan of insane clown possy. Icp is actually two religious Christians expressing themselves. Happily married even. But blame the parents. If it were for them. This kid with a boom box would have been a bit kinder.

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  28. This bullshit why in the hell im a firefighter so I’m a a low life and my wife is not my property if you do your research on the the group that you are talking about you my just learn some stuff on them there no different then rap when the sing about hoes and drugs and killing but when this group sing about it it wrong and we are low life’s so don’t judge Anybody Unless you are unhappy with your life

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  29. Complete and total bullshit! I am a juggalo. I dont live in a trailer park, i live in an actual house! I have a full time job, i have a car that i PAY for myself. I have never been in jail nor have i ever been in trouble. Just because you have idiots out there who claim to be juggalos and do dumb shit does not mean that all juggalos/juggalettes are horrible people.

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  30. Okay that’s a this is real. you putting ordinance on juggalos in a town. Trying to get rid of a certain group of people. Because they don’t share the same views as you or their different. sounds like somebody in history who didn’t like jews… Would makes this town any better than the Nazis. Next thing you know they’re going to put juggalos in camps in start murdering them.our music is free to us frees our soul frees ours mind I enjoy my music why do you have to hate on people who are enjoying their music because it’s something that you don’t like we don’t listen to music because it’s something you like we listen to it cuz we like it

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  31. Is the a website I can visit to sign up to be a juggalo? I don’t have access to many social groups here in the trailer park.

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  32. What is a Juggalo? He drinks like a fish and the he starts hugging people like a drunk bitch, next thing he’s picking fights with his best friend then he starts with the hugging again. What is a juggalo? Well he’s a graduate, he graduated from…… well at least he got a job he’s not a dumb puttz he works for himaelf scratching his nuts.

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  33. Wow…. Fucktardia finally opened its gates and you tumbled out with this bullshit article… Im beyond impressed with your lack of insight or intelligence on the subject of juggalos or anything for that matter.

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